From the Heart

Whew.

This last week has been a blessed whirlwind. Two trips to Anchorage, bunches of kids at the house, Halloween, helping out at Belle's preschool and then Kate's class, and a last-minute multi-kid sleepover - I have loved it! It is a delight to feel capable of that kind of week and so much more like "me" again. I relish in the increased endurance; it makes me want to do a constant glee-filled jig.

The doc appointments were this week. The breast surgeon was thrilled at my range of motion - she was actually beaming! The appointment with my oncologist was less straight forward. I am currently cancer free - he even used the words "probably cured." But we know there is no cure to cancer, yes? And so my ongoing prayer is that my body will not attempt a same-song-second-verse bit elsewhere in my body, ever.

The oncologist explained that there will be no scans to check for future cancer - I will need to monitor myself for any changes that would warrant a test. Blood work isn't always reliable, he said, and scans often detect noncancerous stuff that wind up being nothing. Unnecessary biopsies cause more harm than good.

(Of course, I have read plenty of cases where brain and lung recurrences have no symptoms but I try not think about that!)

I had hoped to participate in a trial treatment with cancer research powerhouse MD Anderson in Texas. Doctors have discovered the rate of recurrence is sharply decreased in triple negative patients who take what is being called a "vaccine." But alas: My blood work is .04 off the mark to make me eligible.

The same day I received that news I got a package in the mail. Actually, my husband received a package, and I was summoned into the kitchen by three grinning faces standing near a giant bowl of water. Some terrific friends had sent us a care package containing a fun science experiment that made me squeal and the girls giggle. I marvel at God's provision, don't you? What a day to receive something sweetly silly and fun. Other care packages have arrived in recent weeks with the same razor sharp timing.

When I drove up to Anchorage for my appointments, the sky was still dark. John stayed home with Belle and I went by myself (something I wasn't capable of safely doing for chemo appointments). I began to thank God for all the ways He has provided for our family this year - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually. I just began to sob. He has taken such terrific care of us this year, largely through beloved peeps, near strangers and everything in-between. I continue to be stunned at the miracle of this.

Kate authored a story a few nights ago: "My Mom's Breast Cancer." Her dad helped her spell some of the words:

My mom had breast cancer. She was scared.
She called the doctor.
The doctor called her in for a check-up.
She came to the doctor, the doctor told her that she was going to have surgery.
She was scared.
At the end she was sore. She had to be taken care of.
And her hair was gone to [sic].
I love mom. It is not the end.
I was scared.
Yea - she is not sick!

The only illustration was of me in a bed. I was sad that fear was so prominently featured in her story - my heart hurts at being the cause of it, even unintentionally - but I rejoice that she was writing about it. This blog has provided me with a place to wrap my head around a lot of stuff, and now here she was, writing from her heart. Is this kid her mother's daughter, or what?!