It feels great to write that. But then, the next thing I think is: 14 more to go. A wonderful friend actually made our family a sticker chart to count down the treatments - the timing of this was perfect, because the very night before, I had been weeping to my husband about how it felt like this experience was never going to end (I wish I was one of those dainty little criers, but alas, I am not). It feels like years since I got that phone call on January 9 telling me I had cancer - how can I only be two treatments down?
So to get that sticker chart the very next day after my meltdown - I sensed God's timing, His wink and encouragement all at the same time.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
My husband buzz cut my hair the evening of my second treatment. My hair had waited to obviously to fall out, quite appropriately, until the morning of my chemo appointment. I had been waiting and waiting for This Big Moment, and I was kind of expecting to hear sweeping violin music while I was being shorn ... really - don't we all sometimes need a soundtrack? But it was actually anti-climatic. We had been talking to the girls about it for some time, after all.
JB was also happy to do the deed in the hotel bathroom. As we learned a couple years ago in Seattle, it's rather marvelous to have maid service when your family experiences something lovely like food poisoning. Or in this case, a noggin that needs a full shave job. When our amazing friend (who has been watching the girls during my appointments) so kindly offered to loan us her clippers, we were happy to accept.
"Is this hard for you?" I asked JB as he buzzed away, chunks of my pixie cut hitting the floor.
"A bit," he answered. I wondered if this was because he was having a hard time looking at a bald wife, but later, he said it was because the hair represented just one more piece of our lives that was being forced to change because of this cancer. To lighten things up, I treated my family a couple bars of "Nothing Compares to U," by Sinead O'Connor. The girls didn't get it, but it made my rock of a husband chuckle.
I am also relived to report two things:
- My port worked perfectly the day of treatment - a huge relief. The oncologist nurses said I should resign myself to getting my blood drawn from my arm so I don't have to endure another go-around like before, but I may try again. Another friend fighting cancer pointed out I'll end up with scar tissue in my arm if they don't use the port, and I figure: If I've got this sucker in my chest, I might as well use it.
- The fasting before chemo seems to have paid off - the overwhelming feeling of nausea was considerably less the day of treatment! (Thank you again to my amazing cousin who sent me that information.) However, the 2.5 day water-only fast also caused me to almost pass out the day of treatment, so I think I'll try fasting less or supplementing with more than just water next time.
Way to go Rebecca! You're doing great, despite all the yucky stuff that comes along with the process. I had my 4th (and FINAL) chemo last week. I cried through the whole thing, just couldn't stop. They say it's my hormones going crazy. I cry at absolutely NOTHING, honestly. So, too, for the fourth time, I had a completely different reaction to the treatment...one time it's neuropathy in my hands, this time the meds have evidently and suddenly made me allergic to food...what kind is unknown. For the past two evenings I have been nothing but head to toe red, itchy, welty skin. No trouble breathing, so that's good. I just have to keep taking Benadryl and the Steroids they gave me to try and keep it at bay. Getting my taste buds back finally, too, after 8 days. Rerbecca, you'll get through this, as will I, and we'll come through delivered at the end with a new life...hang in there and let me know if you ever want to talk, or visit. Take care, and rest, rest, rest! Brenda Ballou 362-0628
ReplyDeletelove you, love you, love you ms. Rebecca! Thanks for sharing your journey and opening your heart here! Much love to you, Trooper John and the girls! hugs from Indiana! you are always on my heart and in my prayers!
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