Watching My Words

A friend who is a barista at a drive-through java joint told me over the weekend that it makes her go bonkers when people want to emotionally dump on her during the 2 minutes they are waiting for their coffee. 

"Just tell me what you want to drink - I am not a counseling service!" she said.

Thusly, after I ordered my drink this morning, I gave her a toothy grin and threw out: 

"So I just need to tell you how my marriage is falling apart!" 

Her face froze for a second and then she saw my grin and remembered our conversation. I immediately realized what a marvelously stupid thing that was to say. God has abundantly blessed me - profoundly, deliciously, incredibly - with an amazing husband. What a reckless way for me to honor that blessing, especially when marital strife is the source of a tremendous amount of pain for many, many people. It is its own horrific catastrophe, and requires the same amount of superhuman grace that I received last year during mine.

(When my friend handed me my drink, she paid me a sweet compliment by saying she would know the world was ending if she heard me say those words for real about my hubby and me. Amen, sister!)

Last weekend I learned that one of the women who helped us in the first weeks of my breast cancer diagnosis - an active woman in her 40s with kids at home - has herself been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know her well - she doesn't live in the same town - yet she showed us sincere kindness and offered a heartfelt hug in January 2012. I'm scheduled to bring her a meal this Friday, and my prayer this week is that God will provide earnest words of encouragement that will make her feel stronger.

"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

Because let me tell you, dear peeps - it is vastly better to say something instead of nothing. If you know someone well enough to know their name and speak a couple of sentences to them: Acknowledge that you care about their catastrophe. Use simple words and few sentences. If you think this person is having a hard time dealing or you might use stupid words (like I did this morning), put it in a card, note or email. It is terrifying to feel like your news is so bad That It Must Not Be Acknowledged In Any Way.

This January marks two years since my initial operation to get that cancerous tumor out. We are planning a trek to somewhere warm again. We are still paying off our cancer bills, and have opted to defer some routine house maintenance stuff so we can go. I know which one makes for infinitely better family memories, that's for darn sure.

The secret of content

Isn't this photo lovely? It was just made public. We girls attended this wedding on July 1. We were approached by the photographer, who said one of the groom's family had asked for our photo.

As I look at this captured moment, my brain is flooded with thoughts.

On this day, Bella was one day from turning 5 years old. 
Kate has my eyes.
Did the person who requested the photo want a picture of me in case I kick it?
Doggone, it's nice to have hair again.
Thank you, Jesus, that I am alive right now.

A couple of weeks ago, I negotiated a deal to stop Googling "triple negative breast cancer." Or "recurrence rates," "cancer of the spine" or "brain cancer." I go through spells where I cannot seem to consume enough information about What The Future Might Hold For Me. I told my husband I was going to make my c-word media blackout last a week.

"How about you make it a month," he asked with a grin. It was a pact.

When I look at a photo like this, I feel such a wave of thanksgiving that I am overwhelmed with how God has profoundly blessed me and our family. Whether the cancer ever comes back or not. Isn't that crazy cool?

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

Although my daily prayer is for a long life with these girlies and my handsome hubs, I'm so glad to know that Jesus is the secret of contentedness. I frequently miss the mark in thought and deed, but I'm really glad to know where I should be looking.

This Friday I'll be checking in with my oncologist - part of the Full Meal Cancer Deal is that you get to see your cancer doc and surgeon twice a year each for a while. However, like I said to my husband a few nights ago: "How great not to be driving to Anchorage once a week for chemo, huh? Seriously! How great is THAT?!!"

Pretty marvelous indeed.